Camen Design Forum

An Open Letter

append delete theraje

Dear Kroc,

I wanted to thank you for everything. I haven't thanked you properly in a long time.

Well sure, I always say "thank you" after getting your advice, guidance, and the aid you've given to me whenever I need it. But I haven't really given you a "proper" thank-you in god knows how long. I think it's high time I take some time out of my schedule to let you know what I need to say.

I remember when we met, back in '02... or was it '03? God, I should *really* work on remembering my dates! Anyway, I was working on a massive game project ("The Gathering Project", of course) with some others. Things had gotten quiet, and not a lot was going on. Then all of a sudden you came along.

I was a bit interested in what you had to say at first. But after I'd seen the stuff you'd worked on - the games, the Web site, and all the other awesome stuff in your portfolio - my interest turned into inspiration. The Gathering Project, thanks to you, was revived in my mind as an ideal - and in turn, as a project.

Of course, The Gathering Project was never meant to be. The developers had gotten tired of chasing each other's tails, and we ultimately decided to dissolve the team. I've lost contact with most of the other devs since then. Of course, you and I still talk pretty much on a daily basis.

I've always been a human minefield - say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and you lose a leg and the hearing in one ear. Of course, in recent years, that facet of my personality has gotten weaker. I tend to be more "stable" most of the time, although I still have my moments.

Yesterday, I was working on a project, and dabbling into regular expressions. I had been trying to get my code working for a while, and was banging my head against the wall trying to figure it out. I was irate, and when you appeared on my IM list, I basically jumped on you for advice.

I was so worn thin at that point that I was impatient with you when you didn't have an immediate answer. I got so fed up that I decided to walk away for a few minutes to clear my head, and didn't even tell you I was leaving. When I got back, you were gone, but after the help you'd given me, I finally was able to squash the bugs in my code.

Of course, that got me thinking - I wouldn't be having all this fun in the first place if not for you. I do get upset sometimes when things don't work out when I think they should and can't figure out why, but on the other hand, I'm having a satisfying experience with what I'm doing. I have big plans. There's so much I want to do, and I finally feel as though I'm getting to where I can do it.

And what did I do? I left without saying a word. That's gratitude for you! I'm sorry I did that, Kroc. I just want you to know that you've done a lot for me over the years, and I really am getting *somewhere* in my life due in part to your (vast amount of) help. When we weren't battling bugs, and were just lounging around chatting about this and that, you were still enriching my life. And, with things the way they are in my head, that's saying a lot.

So, yeah. You have been a really, really good friend to me. It's a shame not that many people know about what kind of friend you can be. I wanted to write you an open letter, because I want you to know that I'm proud enough to have you as a friend to post it in public.

When some people are in love, they say they want the world to know. I'm not saying I want to make love to you or anything ('cause that would *really* be creepy :P ), but I was just thinking that if I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all you've done, why keep it a secret? You have helped me so many times it's not funny. I figure I owe you, but I know you'll just say "no, you don't owe me anything" and some British follow-up like "pip-pip" or some other nonsense. ;)

But I do feel as though I owe you an apology for all the crap I put you through. But more than that, I want to thank you for still being there after all the crap I put you through. It can't be easy for you when I go on one of my depressed self-destructo mania trips. All I can say is I'm lucky that you have thick skin, and that we're still friends.

Thank you, Kroc. I hope that our friendship will last until God farts and ends the world.

Your friend,

Clint V Franklin aka theraje

P.S.: I still think tea is coffee for girls. So, nyeh. :P

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Replies

append delete #1. Kroc

Not the amount of tea I drink in one day :)

Clint, I know all of this. The reason we have this friendship is because you have pushed so hard for it. Every single time we see each other on IM you have always messaged me (unless I was quick enough to get there first), and you’ve done this basically without fail for the last eight years.

I have a real flaw where by the non stop pace of life, and my depression / lack of social skills means that unless someone takes the initiative, I just let friendships fade away because I can’t bring myself to contact someone I haven’t spoken to in a while -- and wouldn’t know what to say anyway.

Even after all the arguments, it has come to an understanding between us that disagreement is irrelevant to us being friends and that we can always talk again. There’s no animosity there over having a difference of opinion (and indeed we do). Because you have always accosted me the second I turn up online you’ve succeeded in knowing me better than anybody else.

I think Clint that you were only being yourself and we all have those maddening, frustrating moments with computers and programming (I’ve been in total "Hulk smash!" rages dealing with dumb bugs that I couldn’t see because I was being impatient).

It’s me who has to apologise for being so thin in recent years. Yes, we always talk when we meet online, but it’s been a long time since we’ve had a good tete-a-tete like this. It’s been too much like passing in the street with a couple of meaningless "how do you do"s, and that’s my fault for not giving you more consideration.

Since moving house my life has been in a constant rush with work and everything else that needs to get done, so weeks keep passing me by without any time being spent on considering others. I was thinking to come and visit you at some time but I should have done that sooner than later given the problems America has with its airport security right now, and that dreaded tax deadline that’s coming up means I don’t know how much disposable income I have until next year, and that's still dependent on the work turning up regularly (I’m self employed with my own business).

Yet again I have not the time to give this proper consideration as I must now dash off to a customer, so I may have to come back to this thread if I have missed anything I was meaning to say.

But in summary, it’s quite alright Clint — you’re my best friend, I forgive you, it’s not a problem to me and worry less that you may have offended me or something than I do that you will go away after our altercation and harm yourself in some way.

Keep building on what you have Clint.

Kind regards,
Kroc.

append delete #2. theraje

Heh. :) I just felt a bit inconsiderate after what happened the other day.

Well, if you do manage to get things ironed out, and discover that you can make it over here to the States... do it.

Because if I find out you can make it here after that speech you just gave, and don't come... it's ass-bustin' time. :D

append delete #3. JJ

I thought I would try to contribute to this thread, if you guys don't mind of course. :)

POLL: Is Kroc really a crocodile?

Yes - 1
No - 0

append delete #4. ZapTap

@JJ - One vote yes :P

append delete #5. Richard

| I have a real flaw where by the non stop
| pace of life, and my depression / lack of
| social skills means that unless someone
| takes the initiative, I just let friendships
| fade away because I can’t bring myself to
| contact someone I haven’t spoken to in a
| while -- and wouldn’t know what to say
| anyway.

Wow, that sounds exactly like me.

Oh, @JJ: yes. :-)

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