For those unfamiliar with Kierkegaard's work, he was a Christian philosopher of the 1800s, regarded as the father of existentialist philosophy. Most of his philosophy revolved around the intangible concept of the faith of the individual in God.
He was highly critical, even hostile, toward the "Christian establishment". He was a reformation-advocate of what he saw as a politicized, apathetic, state-run church system in Denmark. Kierkegaard was the individualist to the state church's one-size-fits-all type of conformity.
One of Kierkegaard's primary topics became known popularly as the concept of the "Leap of Faith". When faced with a decision requiring a leap of faith -- a decision for which there is no empirical method of determining any 'right' or 'wrong' choice -- the individual experiences an "unfocused fear", known as dread, angst, and/or anxiety.
“No Grand Inquisitor has in readiness such terrible tortures as has anxiety.”
~ Soren Kierkegaard, "The Concept of Anxiety"
My life has been rife with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It seemed that every decision -- without exception -- that I have ever made, I chose the wrong option. As this continued, my anxiety has exponentiated. I have failed at everything. There's nothing I've done that has yielded positive results.
Faith is a gift from God, according to many. There isn't any faith where God hasn't given it.
Me, I don't have any faith. I've never had it in myself (or if I had, I lost it once I quickly realized that I can't do a damn thing right). I've lost my faith in God. I've lost my faith in humanity. I wonder if I ever "really" had it in the first place.
Either way, I find myself at a place in life where anxiety has crippled me. I am paralyzed to do anything other than what I'm doing already, so I remain stagnant. It has worn away at me, to the point that the only aspiration I have is for this life to end utterly and completely.
I apologize. I am done trying. Every time I've ever tried, it has resulted in failure. I don't have any "try" left. I'm tired of failing everyone. I can't take it anymore.